Everything after 'but'...

I’m proposing a radical shift in the way people deal with other people….especially when delivering bad news or rejection. For whatever reason, people seem to believe if you preface the news with kind words then insert a ‘but’ it makes everything afterwards OK. In response to this misguided belief, I’m proposing that anytime someone uses this technique that we (the recipients) simply state, “Everything after ‘but’…is bullsh*t!”

The insidiousness of the ‘but’ phenomenon is how it’s infiltrated all facets of life. To prove my point, think about the last time someone used ‘but’ and remember how you felt after the statement. I doubt it was very good unless the after statement was “you have to do my hot friend too”. This issue is everywhere and must be stamped out immediately if not sooner.

One place where ‘but’ lives without fear of retribution is the workplace. Think about all the times a co-worker (or other office idiot) has time to help you and has said, “I’d love to help but…” If you’d really love to help then you would! The better statement here would be to say, “I’d love to help you and wish I could. Instead, I want to go back to my desk and waste some time reading blogs”. Although I’d still need help, I’d appreciate the honesty knowing one day I could return the favor when they need my help.

The ‘but’ problem isn’t limited to your co-works as managers seem all too happy to jump on the band wagon. In this age of downsizing/layoffs, managers always want to be seen as sensitive to people’s feelings so they say stupid things like “You’ve done a great job and made many contributions but I have to let you go.” Do they really believe anyone is going to feel better knowing their valuable but now disposable? You could reply in anger but why not turn the tables and say, “You’ve been a great manager and your guidance helped me develop a perfect solution to your most critical issue but since I’m being let go then I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Relationships aren’t immune to the phenomenon either as people are less likely to tell the truth out of fears of hurting the other person. Who hasn’t heard this one, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” What does that even mean? If you don’t love someone anymore just say it and be gone (here’s how to break up in style). Of course, the perfect reply to this type of asinine statement is “I love you too and your sister was right….you really are becoming just like your mother.” I guess it’s true…you only hurt the ones you used to love.

You are now aware of the ‘but’ phenomenon so anytime you hear it, exercise your license to scream at the other person ‘that’s bullsh*t…just get to the point!” For those with culture, manners or a bit of shyness, you can just think this on the inside and smile knowing the person delivering the news is just a clueless tool waiting for their own ‘but’ moment.

Note: I’d like to apologize for the lengthy delay in posting. I’ll make every effort to post more often but life has been hectic so no guarantees. : )