Stop playing by the rules…

There are some golden rules that are just not meant to be broken…like don’t tug on Superman’s cape, don’t spit into the wind or don’t eat the yellow snow. Probably the most important of the “never to be broken” rules is never, never, never date a co-worker! It’s just a disaster waiting to happen and then you’re out looking for a new girlfriend AND a new job. No thanks…

While it’s probably smart to avoid the pitfalls of office dating, let’s face it, guys aren’t that smart and we will break any rule to get what we want (and we all know what guys want). Its tough meeting women but the office provides a captive audience and plenty of opportunities to strike up a conversation. Plus, women at the office can “pre-qualify” you because they can see your place on the corporate ladder, determine your advancement potential, rate your potential to make all the other women envious if they dated you (never underestimate the power of jealousy among women), etc.

I’ve never dated a co-worker in my professional career so not even sure how I’d approach that special someone for the big question. I mentioned my hesitance to date a co-worker to GP once (he laughed) and he proceeded to regale me with tales of his prowess managing “relationships” with several women in the office pool. It was like hearing stories of the conquistadores looting and pillaging across the land…absolutely what a guy on the fence wants to hear! (Thanks GP)

Now that’s all fine and good if you’ve got some decent game but I have none….my game score is lower than the temperature during a Canadian winter. Outside of being a bit shy and socially awkward, I have no approach, no opening lines and am about as interesting as a physics lecture. What’s a guy to do to land that date with a co-worker with all these “handicaps”? I consulted the experts on how to start it?

The only problem with actually getting the date is the knowledge of the inevitable break-up that will surely occur (usually at the worst time). For the most part, breaking up can be handled with minimal disruption to your life if you follow some simple rules. But an office based break-up is something totally different all together because you WILL see this person every day. That’s a daunting prospect so better consult the experts again for advice on how to end it .

Given that I’ve had no luck in finding the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc these past 6 years or so, maybe I should break the rules and pursue an office romance. It the perfect plan except, I work from home 5 days a week. Oh well, guess its back to "Plan B".

Should I stay or should I go?

I’ve always held that certain things happen at exactly the right moment for a reason. I’m pretty clueless about the reason but it’s usually to teach me a lesson, open my eyes to the obvious or, in some cases, just to make me think.

I’ve been on the fence about moving to Asheville so it was time for a sign giving me some direction. It’s 80% “go” on the move but that last 20% is proving to be quite a challenge to overcome. I needed a sign…got one.

My story begins on a beautiful Friday morning as I was out running errands. I’d taken the day off work and decided to get new tires for the car so made a trip up the road to Mooresville. Always one to maximize efficiency, I also planned to stop at the Super Target next door to pick up a few random items.

I’m moving through the ST with shopping list in hand (super chunk peanut butter, mattress pad and a duffel bag) to keep me focused but I still got distracted. Somehow I ended up in the produce section where I saw HER. By her, I don’t mean the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc but the Past Almost Mrs. Esc Ex. It was a chance encounter six years in the making as she stood there with her Starbucks with me staring back holding a bunch of bananas. For a moment, I knew exactly how those deer feel when they wander out onto the Interstate after dark and get caught in the headlights...you just stand there unable to move even though you know you NEED to move.

This chance encounter was always destined to happen as we only live one town apart and shop in exactly the same places. It had been six years since our last meeting and I’d purposely started avoiding her part of town once a mutual friend told me she made the move. But today was supposed to be a “safe” day….she never takes days off as her love of work is almost on the same level as the way people love their kids! After rolling the dice for years, today was my day to crap out.

This whole situation raised a question we’ve all had to deal with at one point or another…”What do you say to an ex during that chance meeting?” I know a lot depends on how it ended but after six years neither should harbor any ill will or strong feelings. The high road would be a cordial (but oh so brief) conversation about meaningless things and how great life is at this very moment. The low road would probably be reduced to single words such as “Bitch” or “Bastard” accompanied by an evil scowl or look of disgust. In our most perfect moment, we took neither road and simply passed without saying a word.

I thought about it afterwards and wondered what I would have said if she had spoken. What if she asked about my personal life/status? Do you tell the truth about your current situation or make up the life you really wish you had? What do say to a person you spent 10 years with that doesn’t come off sounding like a veiled attempt to validate life is so much better without them? I guess the path of silence was really the high road after all.

I saw a sign that day and it said, “Bananas…$.29 a lb”. I also saw a sign that said “Now is a great time to go live somewhere else”. I guess I got more than a great deal on bananas.

One step closer...

In my last entry, I mentioned the one big “if” was selling my house. Well, there was another big “if”...whether work would be willing to let me flee Charlotte and still stay among the employed at XYZ Corporation. Without a job, the whole adventure would be a no go as I have virtually no hope of finding work in Asheville. Everything was riding on the outcome of the conversation.

I’m a “planner” (even when it seems like I’m being spontaneous) so I had this whole conversation in my head complete with selling points to counter any resistance. I brought up the topic with my manager and his reply, “No problem…I’ve heard Asheville is very nice”. Another hurdle down…

Now the only big “if” remaining is selling the house. Once it’s sold, adios Charlotte!