Catch of the Day...

It’s a well known fact that I attract crazy women…like swirling eye, bunny-in-a-pot kind of crazy. Things always start out very normal but, somewhere along the way; the real personality emerges and she proudly declares, ‘I’m crazy…” as I struggle to keep the car on the road.

I’m still conducting the Fish Experiment although I’ve had very little time to actually search out new catches. I did log on for a few minutes the other night to kill time and decided to click on one of the random profiles that appear when you access the site. I was not disappointed as I was greeted with the following picture:

I guess you can say the “writings on the wall” so to speak. I’m all for truth in advertising (especially in dating) but I probably wouldn’t advertise I’m a crazy bitch on my underwear and then post pictures of myself in said underwear on a public website.

Of course, if you’re going tell the world you’re a Crazy Bitch then writing it on your underwear is probably better than the following option:

Sometimes I wonder if people really forget tattoos are permanent or just make unfortunate choices in ink . I picture her telling the artist she wants Crazy Bitch in block letters on her lower back….only to get Crazy Bitch written on blocks! The only thing that could possibly make this better is if the artist had left off the “B” and she was left with a “Crazy Itch".

My friend has a saying passed down from his father…”They (women) are all crazy…you just got to find one who’s less crazy than the rest”. I think there’s some truth to the statement (just as there is truth in the stereotypes of men) but you can’t let the prospect of crazy keep you from looking for Ms. Right. Of course, if you find “crazy” then hopefully it looks like picture one : )

Return to Sherwood Forest...

For those long time readers, you’ll remember back in October I penned an entry titled Obama of Sherwood Forest talking about why socialism is the absolute wrong path for any society that values hard work and achievement. I’m the first to agree on the need for social programs to help those less fortunate get back on their feet but at what point do we (the responsible parties) say “Enough is enough!”

The economy's in the toilet…no eloquent way to state the obvious. The unbridled greed of the past few years has caught up with our society and now we pay the price…or do we? Depends on who you are…

President Obama has unveiled a new plan to help people keep their homes provided they weren’t speculators or people who borrowed amounts they could never repay. To that point, it seems the administration is at odds based on the following quote from Ben Bernanke:

Defending the program Tuesday at a Senate hearing, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said it's important to save those who made bad calls, for the greater good. He likened it to calling the fire department to put out a blaze caused by someone smoking in bed.

"I think the smart way to deal with a situation like that is to put out the fire, save him from his own consequences of his own action but then, going forward, enact penalties and set tougher rules about smoking in bed."

I’m horribly disturbed by the above statement as it basically says, “You were irresponsible but the taxpayers are going to save you and then make sure those evil banks/mortgage companies don’t do this to you or some other unsuspecting person ever again”. Where are the consequences for the people who were irresponsible? They will be rewarded with a mandatory rate reduction (as well as principle reduction) while every responsible homeowner will bear the burden of financing this program as will their children and possibly their children. The lesson to be learned is hard work and fiscal responsibility is the surest way to ensure you have nothing…except the bill for saving the irresponsible!

The common argument I hear about this stance is “People need a place to live so stopping foreclosures will ensure people aren’t on the street”. This position has little merit as people who are foreclosed on have the option of getting an apartment they can afford. It’s not their $800K house but it’s an affordable roof over their head. What if the person is unemployed and being foreclosed on? These are the situations where people do need help but not in the form of modifying their loan…they have NO money to pay the loan even if the terms are adjusted. Somewhere along the line, people began to believe homeownership was a right and not a privilege. It’s most certainly a privilege and should be reserved for those who’ve sacrificed, saved and live well within their means…not those who simply said “I deserve this” with no means to repay the loan.

There are plenty of bad guys in the economic meltdown so not letting bank/mortgage companies off the hook but if people had not signed up for loans they couldn’t afford then the banks wouldn’t have been able to leverage this enormous mountain of consumer debt in the form of CDO’s and CDS’. Banks were all too happy to write the loans with little more than a scrap of paper and wink to people who never had a chance of ever being able to afford the payments on the loan once the rates adjusted. The greed of the nation drove a short-term gain in the market at the expense of a generation’s wealth.

I’m also to blame for the economic meltdown…as are you if you’ve ever invested any money in the market. As an investor, my share of the blame comes in the form of the ever-increasing demands for greater profits from the corporations. The thought of continuous growth is a fallacy as all things have finite potential and corporate profits are not exempt. Every quarter the company has to show a “gain” or the stock is deemed stagnant and the price begins to fall (almost immediately). The only option for the corporation is to create new revenue streams which usually come with a trade-off in risk exposure. The old system of dividends for long-term, consistent management has been replaced by the need to see immediate, double digit returns by close of business which isn’t sustainable…a lesson we seem to forget every time the market takes us to school.

So what’s left for those of us who played by the rules? An interest rate reduction? Maybe a principle reduction? Not likely to happen as there is no incentive to help us because we’ll continue to pay and pay and pay holding onto the archaic concept of personal responsibility.

On the topic of responsibility, I’m also disturbed by the comment:

Abess demonstrates the kind of "responsibility" the president has called for from high-profile financial CEOs, the White House said. (Click here for the entire article).

The ‘responsibility’ mentioned in the article is actually a redistribution of wealth from the former CEO to people who worked for the company. Taken in the context of the recent infusion of government capital into financial institutions, the seeds are being planted for long-term government intervention in our financial systems with rewards being distributed from the company to the poor….at the expense of the taxpayer.

In this new, modern day Sherwood Forest, those who’ve played by the rules will get to see redistribution…only this time it will be the debt of the irresponsible redistributed to the responsible. Makes emigration to a small Caribbean nation look better every day!

Everyone’s your friend…

Why does everyone think they’re your friend on Facebook…even if they don’t know you? I’ve wondered how long it would take and it finally happened…I was forced to “friend” a co-worker or risk the consequences at the office. I wouldn’t have minded this if it was say “Brown Dress” who sent the invite but no such luck…it’s a co-worker I don’t really know (or care to know).

I started using Facebook to connect with my existing friends. For the most part, it was a success as I learned more about people I already knew and was able to share a bit more of my life with them. That’s the value of Facebook and it gave me the opportunity to share my life in ways I couldn’t in the past. Now that’s over and I’m pissed!

My Facebook profile used to contain a link to the blog but it’s gone now because of a single person. The co-worker isn’t a bad person (I really don’t know her at all) but I can’t “be myself” any longer because now I have to worry about something getting back to other people in the office. What if I decide to post my current status as “Looking for action” or post a picture of myself with some of the girls I meet (Yes, I actually do meet girls...some I don't even have to pay). It would set a world record in terms of office gossip and would end my so-called career at XYZ Corporation. Who knows…I may get lucky and nothing would happen (reference the infamous incident involving Frat Boy and 'The Captain') but wouldn’t place any bets on that outcome.

I knew it was a matter of time because everyone in my office is on Facebook…even Sr. Management. I’m constantly amazed at how many subordinates invite their manager to be “friends”. Maybe they think it insulates them from ever having to hear bad news because they’re Facebook friends? No such luck as the lay-offs continue whether your FB friends or not! Or maybe it’s because these people are so freaking boring they don’t care if their manager has details of their personal life? My life is NOT boring and my executive would surely cringe if he read about my exploits/opinions/blog.

I’m not ranting…just disappointed that something working so well could be ruined by one person. Now my FB profile is relegated to just being a place to learn more about my friends while I post nothing about myself. Maybe I should wait a few weeks and then “unfriend” the new addition? Doubtful she will ever look at my profile after the initial viewing so she’d never know. The fact I have to think this much about the situation is just sad.

Maybe it’s time to sign off Facebook? Will I miss out on important info like Becker buying an Odyssey minivan this past weekend? Or cool pics of my co-worker who has a beer can in her hand for every single photo? Or the update from the woman who is so far out of my league that I’m surprised she even speaks to me? Probably...but think I'll be OK just the same.

It’s not you…It’s me

Most of us have heard (at some point in our romantic lives) the classic “It’s not you…It’s me”. I’d usually call out this falsehood with great quickness and stinging rebuff but what happens when it’s true?

The Fish Experiment continues but to date have only corresponded with one person. I’ve had several very good conversations and today was the first in-person meeting. I’d seen a photo but sometimes results vary which means what you see in the photo is not always what walks up to say hello. In this case, there was truth in advertising so off to a good start.

Let me start by saying there is nothing wrong with her…she’s witty, charming and educated. The conversation went well (at least I think it did) so guess my social awkwardness was taking the day off. After the meeting, it was time for post-game analysis…also known as “over-thinking everything with a healthy dose of self-doubt and confusion for good measure”. Being 50 miles from home, I knew it would be a long ride home.

I’ve never professed any real insight into anything of substance (especially relationships) but guess I expected to feel something beyond just conversation with a potential friend. I’m not talking about love at first sight but something like the slightly anxious feeling when you don’t want to say the wrong thing or finding yourself laughing for no good reason. Maybe I’ve been out of the game too long and my senses are off? Of course, I mistook acid reflux for true love and it took me 9.5 years to figure it out so not sure time off has anything to do with it!

In a most unexpected move, I’m looking for advice (Good lord, I must be desperate to ask this group : ) so add a comment letting me know how you knew your significant other was “the one”. Did you know right away or was it later? I’m especially interested in hearing from those divorced as I’m interested to know about people’s experiences the second time around. My own journey has given me more questions than answers so it’s me…really, it’s all me.

Everything after 'but'...

I’m proposing a radical shift in the way people deal with other people….especially when delivering bad news or rejection. For whatever reason, people seem to believe if you preface the news with kind words then insert a ‘but’ it makes everything afterwards OK. In response to this misguided belief, I’m proposing that anytime someone uses this technique that we (the recipients) simply state, “Everything after ‘but’…is bullsh*t!”

The insidiousness of the ‘but’ phenomenon is how it’s infiltrated all facets of life. To prove my point, think about the last time someone used ‘but’ and remember how you felt after the statement. I doubt it was very good unless the after statement was “you have to do my hot friend too”. This issue is everywhere and must be stamped out immediately if not sooner.

One place where ‘but’ lives without fear of retribution is the workplace. Think about all the times a co-worker (or other office idiot) has time to help you and has said, “I’d love to help but…” If you’d really love to help then you would! The better statement here would be to say, “I’d love to help you and wish I could. Instead, I want to go back to my desk and waste some time reading blogs”. Although I’d still need help, I’d appreciate the honesty knowing one day I could return the favor when they need my help.

The ‘but’ problem isn’t limited to your co-works as managers seem all too happy to jump on the band wagon. In this age of downsizing/layoffs, managers always want to be seen as sensitive to people’s feelings so they say stupid things like “You’ve done a great job and made many contributions but I have to let you go.” Do they really believe anyone is going to feel better knowing their valuable but now disposable? You could reply in anger but why not turn the tables and say, “You’ve been a great manager and your guidance helped me develop a perfect solution to your most critical issue but since I’m being let go then I’m sure you can figure it out.”

Relationships aren’t immune to the phenomenon either as people are less likely to tell the truth out of fears of hurting the other person. Who hasn’t heard this one, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” What does that even mean? If you don’t love someone anymore just say it and be gone (here’s how to break up in style). Of course, the perfect reply to this type of asinine statement is “I love you too and your sister was right….you really are becoming just like your mother.” I guess it’s true…you only hurt the ones you used to love.

You are now aware of the ‘but’ phenomenon so anytime you hear it, exercise your license to scream at the other person ‘that’s bullsh*t…just get to the point!” For those with culture, manners or a bit of shyness, you can just think this on the inside and smile knowing the person delivering the news is just a clueless tool waiting for their own ‘but’ moment.

Note: I’d like to apologize for the lengthy delay in posting. I’ll make every effort to post more often but life has been hectic so no guarantees. : )

Sign me up...

One of the coolest things about the Fish is it’s a free site but hosts ads for every pay dating site known to man. Pure genius…let your competition pay all the expenses and put a few dollars in your own pocket. The big name players are all represented but I was intrigued by a small, lesser known site called Together Christian. Not because of the religious affiliation (plenty of sites cater to that segment) but for their photo choices in targeted advertising.

Men and women have very different criteria when selecting a potential partner so sites have to be very strategic in their marketing. The firm that created these ads should be commended for supporting the old age stereotypes.

For Christian ladies looking for a good man, the website offers up this photo:

He’s a good looking, older gentleman and the prominent “selling points” on display are stability, maturity and good health (he’s in shape). I’d imagine this picture probably brought a few women to the site in search of Mr. Right. To make him even safer, he’s a “Certified Christian”….whatever that means.

For Christian men looking for a nice girl, the website offer up this photo:

Good Lord! Side profile shot to accentuate her silhouette and the golden blond hair casually draped over her exposed shoulder. The “selling points” are on prominent display along with a slender body and ample….youth. The site advertises it has 1000’s of members and you’re looking at what brought in 99% of them. The cruel irony here is if she’s a Christian then it’s a “look but don’t touch” proposition…now that's cruel! You may be in luck, however, since she’s not a “Certified Christian”.

Before people start to hate on me, please note that I’ve got nothing against any religion (OK…I don’t really like those guys who hand out flowers) but you have to admit it’s funny to see a Christian dating web site using a hot model to entice men to sign up. Could this be Phase Two of the experiment?

P.S. The page says “Christians Join for Free”…does that mean heathens have to pay a fee?

Box of Fish...

While the internet may have modernized finding people, the old rules of dating still apply so it’s up to the guy to do the hunting. Plenty of Fish (hereafter known as the Fish) boasts it has more members than all other sites combined so decided to start small with a basic search within a 25 mile radius of my zip code. Apparently, I’m not the only person looking as over 600+ people were returned in my results! Who knew that many other cheapskates lived so close to me?

Before you get too excited by 600, probably 500 could be eliminated if the site had better search filter options but that’s OK because the experiment was designed with no limitations so I’d rather get way too many hits than too few.

I’ve always held very low expectations when reviewing other people’s profile but really wasn’t prepared for what I found on the Fish...everything from heartbreakingly desperate to downright perverted with a healthy dose of obscenity for good measure (Ironically, I was listening to Rick James on my i-Pod when I started reviewing profiles…how appropriate). Way too many profiles to discuss them all but here are a few that deserve special recognition.

In my past dating experiences, I’ve seen first hand exactly how many freaks are loose in the dating world. The really clever ones pretend to be normal (but they always crack and show “crazy” soon enough) while others just embrace their freakiness and want to share it with someone special. I’m not sure where to start with Example 1 since it’s like reading a dyslexic version of Finnegan’s Wake. It’s hard to follow and a bit painful in places but if you can finish it then you’ll be rewarded by the somewhat sentence, “Never tried Greek although I wanna”…God I hope she’s talking about food!

On thing Internet dating sites are not known for is truth in advertising when it comes to profile pictures. The picture you post speaks volumes and determines the type of person you’ll attract so form your own opinions after reviewing Example 2. First, the personal stats are a complete LIE (she’s not 35, definitely doesn’t have children and if she has a master’s it’s probably in pole dancing). She throws in the following statement, “Be forewarned….if you act like an ass, I will make an example out of you!” Based on her profile pictures, if I take her near water she’ll eagerly show everyone her ass!

Its one thing to be model quality and post risqué pictures of yourself…it’s something altogether different if your Example 3. If the pictures weren’t bad enough (don’t miss out on the photo captions!), give the first three sentences of the profile a go. I don’t hate on anyone trying to find love/happiness/a better price on car insurance/etc. but had to laugh at “looking for that special guy that has a little life left”…not a lot of life but just a little left.

One of the great things about using the Internet is that you can control how much other people know about you. Some people opt for a bit of mystery and others want to tell you everything in the profile. This last example caught me a little off guard as I wasn’t aware that one could be “a little pregnant”…I always kind of figured it was a yes/no answer but maybe I’m wrong : ) Seems Example 4 already has one on the way but is still looking for that special someone (or at least someone who’ll hang around). Call me old fashioned but wouldn’t it make more sense to actually wait until AFTER the child is born? There’s nothing like water breaking during a first date to put a damper on a blossoming new relationship.

I don’t have the link to her profile so I’ll let you read her words:

I have two children and one on the way (don't panic, I'm very independent in this area). I'm not looking for a father for any of them. I'm looking for companionship for me and see where it goes. My son is 16 and he lives with his dad. My daughter is 9 and we have joint custody of her. My last child is due in July. The only thing that comes before my family is our one true Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, which I cherish my relationship with.

Although right now I am a little pregnant. So men, don't let the fact that I'm pregnant scare you off. I'm not looking for a dad for him!

Although I’ve shared a couple of profiles, I don’t want you to get the wrong impression of the Fish. There are a lot of normal people on the site too so definitely going to continue the “Fish experiment” to see what happens.

My initial search was not totally fruitless as I took a chance and cast a line…and got a nibble : )