Hooray for the B-Holes!

Once in a rare while a company creates a cool, cutting edge commercial and what’s the response of the American people? Ban it!

It seems Hardee’s has once again raised the ire of the NC conservatives with a commercial asking people to decide whether they like The A-Hole over the B-Hole. While it’s probably not the greatest commercial ever, it’s a breath of life in an otherwise bland, generic sea of advertising. When’s the last time you saw a commercial you actually remember?

I’ve long enjoyed the creativity of European commercials and wished I could see something like them on American television. It’s pretty weak that America has one day (Super Bowl Sunday) where we push the limits of the commercial but even this once proud day has been reduced to watered down spots no better than the everyday commercials. Maybe companies would take more chances if it wasn’t for people like this guy:

"The Hardee's marketing team seems intent on pushing the boundaries at every turn whether we're talking about 'iced B-holes' or the company's attempts at turning hamburgers into sex objects," said Parents Television Council president Tim Winter, in a statement. "Each and every local franchisee can and should object and every Hardee's customer has the right to patronize a more responsible fast food restaurant chain."

Responsible fast food chain? What the hell is he talking about? Given the nutritional value of the food they serve, I’d say pretty much anything you’d consume from any fast food place should be considered irresponsible. He's right about one thing...“every Hardee’s customer has the right” so maybe I'll exercise my right to enjoy some “frosty dippas” (although I’ll never buy any "Bisticules"! : )

Mr. Winter (and the other self-righteous protectors of my decency) should lighten up on Hardee’s and focus on more important things like finding real jobs and making meaningful contributions to society. They’d also be well served to remember no one likes the A-Holes!

Bumper Sticker Wisdom…

I received a call the other day from the Wisnerd and his opening line pretty much set the tone of the call…”OMG, you’re just not going to believe this”. He often starts his calls this way and never fails to deliver the goods as the most weird, unusual, improbable things happen to him. In keeping with past experience, he didn’t disappoint this time.

One thing you have to know about him is how much he stresses about money… I don’t mean worries a bit when things get tight but becomes completely obsessed with the topic to the point of developing all these plans like cashing in life insurance policies, selling furniture, etc. I’ll spare you all the details of the call but it seems he cashed out a life insurance policy to pay down some credit card debt only to discover the wife had gone behind his back and spent $1400 on botox injections (on the very card he was trying to pay down). Not sure I’ll ever know what it’s like to realize your life’s value (or at least policy face value) has been reduced to a temporary cosmetic procedure but quite positive it’s not something anyone really wants to experience.

In the course of our conversation, he mentioned his lack of “options” and how he was “stuck” in a relationship with no exit. It’s on this point I have to disagree because we have options in every situation…they may not be pleasant but we always have options. I’ve always marveled at how easily people give up or simply accept a situation without opening their minds to all the possibilities. It’s this acceptance that makes people believe they have no options when, in reality, they simply lack the will to act or the courage to “suffer” through the negative aspects of the other options.

Those calls always make me think about things in my own life (like how much I truly enjoy being single….or at least not married to someone who’s devoted her life to ruining mine) and times I’ve taken the easy way out for fear of the challenge/change. There is one defining moment in my life where I failed to act and I keep it in that deep, dark place inside to remind me fear of failure never stings as bitterly as regret.

I was thinking about the whole Wisnerd situation when I saw a truck with a bumper sticker proclaiming “Screw it…Live a little”. Most bumper stickers are stupid or boring but this one was right on the money. Life is too short to stay in a bad situation believing you have no other possibilities so figure out what you want and go get it! Maybe some people are content with living a little but I say "Screw it…live a LOT!”

Slacker...

I'm not usually so slack as to go weeks without updating the blog but here I am staring at ZERO entries for July. It's not that I don't have anything to say (quite the opposite...as usual) but short on time. The usual suspects (work, work, work) and a couple of other unexpected things (all good...don't get excited as none of them are dates) but planning to update this week so get ready! : )

50 is the new dead

As I get closer to 40, well-meaning people keep trying to tell me things like “40 is the new 30” and “you don’t look a day over 32”. That’s all fine and good if you believe it but I’m not taking the bait. Maybe I should since it seems 50 is becoming the new dead.

We’ve all heard the news about the death of Michael Jackson at age 50 from cardiac arrest (stay tuned for the inevitable revelation about some Hollywood doctor who over-prescribed meds) but breaking news just announced Billy Mayes has passed at age 50.

You know Billy Mayes even if you don’t know his name...he’s the pitch man for Oxyi-Clean and the co-host of the new show “Pitch Men”. The official news story mentions he hit his head during a rough plane landing (which may have contributed to his death) but what I want to know is “Where was the Sham-WOW guy?”

In my earlier post, I asked the all important question concerning Billy Mayes whereabouts while Vince was beating down his pay date but it was all in the name of humor…I’m sure Billy Mayes could care less about Vince. Knowing my blog reaches all corners of the world and has such influence, could Vince have stumbled upon it and taken my comments seriously? Hey Vince…it was a JOKE (much like your career and that jacket you were wearing at the ER).

Rest in peace Billy and Michael...50 is too young to head into sunset.

We are Motorhead…and we play Rock n’ Roll!

You’ve probably all seen (or maybe even read) one of those books on the 1000 places to visit before you die. That’s all fine and good if you’re rich and want to see really weird places but what about the 1000 things you should do before you die?

I’m sure the list would be unique to everyone but I’ve got an entry that should probably be on everyone’s list…seeing a live Motorhead show! I was lucky enough to catch them last year in NYC so checked that one off the list but swore I’d see them again…maybe even at the Wacken Festival.

Motorhead is a touring band and I was disappointed to see no US tour dates. My mind started to think about a trip to the UK to see them in Manchester (very cool!) but they are playing on Thanksgiving Day (bummer). Add in the fact I’ve made no travel plans and need to conserve cash for a trip out to SD later this year. As one who never gives up, I kept checking the page hoping for a break.

The break arrived this past Sunday as Motorhead announced a tour stop in Charlotte NC! Yes, the lads are going to be in my town for one night only and yours truly will be there to put a second check mark next to “See a live Motorhead show” on my life list. Tickets go on sale Friday at 10 AM EST and I plan to be in queue early to get my tickets.

Of course, I told the Wisnerd and he did exactly what I expected…started off excited and then started to find reasons to back out. I’d normally try to convince him but this time is different as I’ll go alone if I have to because I have to see the show. I wont be going alone this time even if the Wisnerd backs out…and my party guests will make the trip interesting indeed.

My neighbor (Solly) is also a Motorhead fan so picking up tickets for him. At his suggestion, I’ll be picking up a few extras as he knows several strippers who’d like to attend the show as well! Maybe I shouldn’t get a ticket for the Wisnerd as it means one less stripper for the group. Tough choice…could go either way!

The goal of the stripper entourage (besides hanging out with girls who take of their clothes at the drop of a hat) is to get us invited to the after party. Item 4 on the life list is to attend a Motorhead show but item number 3 is to party with the band (and get my picture made with Lemmy). I’ll do my part by getting the tickets and they can do their part by getting us all invited to the party. Sounds like a fair trade to me.

If you can’t make it to a show (with or without a stripper entourage), I highly recommend their concert DVD as it truly captures as much of the energy of the show as possible. The camera work is stellar as is the sound (only slightly edging out Tio’s Game for cinematography…nod to the GP!) and a steal at $15.

I’ll be a middle-aged guy at a rock concert but that’s OK because I may be getting older but I’m not dead…yet. I’ll continue putting checks next to the box as long as I can because they are Motorhead…and yes, they play Rock n’ Roll!

Photo Caption Contest #1

It's been awhile since the last post and I can blame it all on time off from work (blissful) and the subsequent return (torture). I was contemplating some weighty, insightful topic but decided on something a bit lighter...a photo caption contest!

Here's the photo:

Seems America's favorite airhead is satisfied by something "this big". Her brain? No...way too big. Her ego? No...way too small. The size of Todd's Alaskan 'pipeline'? Not even close. So what could it be?

Post your caption in the comments and I will select a winner! Of course, you get nothing for winning except being recognized as a winner. Here's my first caption to get things started:

"I once looked at the pictures in a book this big!"

Enjoy!

Mirror Mirror on the Ceiling...

One of my readers sent me an email today highlighting a problem that's become all too common in the workplace these days. I know Facebook and Twitter have made it socially acceptable to inundate the masses with the most mundane moments of your life but people are going way too far and it has to stop.

It seems my friend's co-worker (we’ll call him Bucky) was determined to provide a “status update” to the group although they wanted no part of it. Let’s set the stage by saying Bucky is the consummate emasculated male yet he preens like a peacock oblivious to his gelding. Not since Frat Boy have I seen such a blatant case of “people aren’t laughing at me…they are just jealous of my greatness” syndrome. When I meet people like this I crack a subtle smile….let the games begin!

Bucky was regaling all with details of his birthday weekend with his wife and their romantic interlude at a slightly above average business hotel. Of all the choices in lodgings, a business hotel is one step above getting a room at a Residence Inn (hey, that kitchenette might come in handy if you get hungry afterwards) and definitely NOT what you select if romance is on the agenda. The city has plenty of pretty nice places to take a date (or your wife…whoever is free for the night).

During the course of his verbal assault, he broke the unspoken rule…Too Much Information (TMI). No one wants to hear about a co-workers current illness, surgery, sexual conquest, STD, etc. but these people just start heading down the road with a smile on their face. Bucky shared with the group his disappointment the business class room was lacking in reflective surfaces known as mirrors. It seems this put a serious damper on his evening (Any bets the serious damper on the evening for his wife was his presence?). At least one of the many disappointments of the evening could have been avoided if he’d thought ahead and had this handy, little invention!

It promises the ability to “enjoy exciting reflections you’ve never seen before” which, according to the photo, is the ability to see yourself alone on the bed. There are few things I really want to watch myself do and none of them involve using a mirror-like reflective device attached to the ceiling. I’m still trying to figure how it stays on the ceiling since it appears to be hovering in the photo. Maybe I should be learning those ridiculous magic tricks to pick up girls…seems I’ll need the skill to make my mirror-like reflective device hover above the bed.

At $14.95, it’s a “must have”…especially since it comes with its own mail tube for easy transport. Too bad they stopped selling this back in 1977 as it’s a deal at twice the price! If I’d only had the foresight at age 8 to pick a couple of these up then I’d be set.

All hope is not lost as a quick search of the Internet brought the modern day equivalent of the portable mirror-like reflective device. It seems times have changed and ceiling mirrors have gone upscale complete with slick websites trying to make you think having a mirror on your ceiling is actually cool. I especially like the “smoke detector” installation mount (pure genius!) so people don’t know you’re a freak. Wish I’d known before I drilled the holes in my ceiling for the trapeze…is that TMI?

Anyway, I was on-board until I saw the price…$399! Good Lord, for $399 it better guarantee my view isn’t the ability to see myself alone on the bed…I get that for free. TMI?