I’m a skeptic…always have been. They always make things sound worse than they really are when it’s probably really nothing to worry about. Take this whole H1N1 thing. It’s probably a hoax to get me to buy some useless cold medicine or hand sanitizer and it can’t be as bad as they keep saying in the news.
I’m usually just plain lazy when I don’t update the blog but this time I have a legitimate excuse…I got H1N1 last week. It’s now 9 days later and I’m finally starting to feel a little bit better. Not 100% mind you…just a BIT better. The diagnosis says another few days of misery and then another few weeks of cough. Perfect!
Now having H1N1 hasn’t given me the benefits of the usual prolonged illness (such as days off with no work) since I’ve worked every single day. To make matters worse, I also missed an opportunity to go to Hong Kong for three weeks on assignment. When it rains, it pours.
I’ll update with much better content once I’m back to my old self (probably this weekend). In the meantime, this little piggy goes hack, hack, hack!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Things I love...
I love a lot of things…like a glass of perfectly dry Cabernet, Thai food, lounging around in the hammock on a nice day, riding my bikes and living near a college town. What? How did living near a college town make the list? Let me explain.
My physical address puts me in Cornelius but I live four miles from the Davidson College campus. While four miles may not seem far, it’s a world away from Cornelius in a great many ways. Davidson is one of those liberal college towns where nothing exciting ever happens…until now.
It’s a beautiful fall day and I’m stopped at the light in the center of town. I make the left turn onto Main St. passing by the quaint shops and people just walking to be outside. Fortunately, I get caught by the next stop light in front of the Ben and Jerry’s. Normally, I hate missing this light but I’d miss it every time if “they” were there.
I saw a small group of college students walking towards the light and thought nothing of it until I saw the two tall, very attractive girls. As they got closer, I noticed they had their arms around each other (in a more than friend’s kind of way). When they reached the Ben and Jerry’s, they stopped and proceeded to make out (to the horror of the old people sitting in the rocking chairs). I don’t mean a peck on the cheek but full-on action!
After two rotations of the light, the cars behind me starting honking the horn but I wasn’t moving…no way these people were going to ruin this for me. I was definitely feeling the moment (and I think the guy in the truck behind me was feeling something else a little more personal...Dude, not cool!) so had to stay for the whole, wonderful show. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen two girls make out but usually, hot girl-on-girl action is followed by the need to enter a credit card number and a check of the anti-virus software. Having witnessed this greatness, my day was complete.
A lot of people say things like “I love life” and “I’m in love with love”. That’s all fine and good but find that my list of things I love is a bit less cultured…especially since I added “hot girls making out in front of the Ben and Jerry’s In Davidson NC” to the list.
My physical address puts me in Cornelius but I live four miles from the Davidson College campus. While four miles may not seem far, it’s a world away from Cornelius in a great many ways. Davidson is one of those liberal college towns where nothing exciting ever happens…until now.
It’s a beautiful fall day and I’m stopped at the light in the center of town. I make the left turn onto Main St. passing by the quaint shops and people just walking to be outside. Fortunately, I get caught by the next stop light in front of the Ben and Jerry’s. Normally, I hate missing this light but I’d miss it every time if “they” were there.
I saw a small group of college students walking towards the light and thought nothing of it until I saw the two tall, very attractive girls. As they got closer, I noticed they had their arms around each other (in a more than friend’s kind of way). When they reached the Ben and Jerry’s, they stopped and proceeded to make out (to the horror of the old people sitting in the rocking chairs). I don’t mean a peck on the cheek but full-on action!
After two rotations of the light, the cars behind me starting honking the horn but I wasn’t moving…no way these people were going to ruin this for me. I was definitely feeling the moment (and I think the guy in the truck behind me was feeling something else a little more personal...Dude, not cool!) so had to stay for the whole, wonderful show. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen two girls make out but usually, hot girl-on-girl action is followed by the need to enter a credit card number and a check of the anti-virus software. Having witnessed this greatness, my day was complete.
A lot of people say things like “I love life” and “I’m in love with love”. That’s all fine and good but find that my list of things I love is a bit less cultured…especially since I added “hot girls making out in front of the Ben and Jerry’s In Davidson NC” to the list.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Stop playing by the rules…
There are some golden rules that are just not meant to be broken…like don’t tug on Superman’s cape, don’t spit into the wind or don’t eat the yellow snow. Probably the most important of the “never to be broken” rules is never, never, never date a co-worker! It’s just a disaster waiting to happen and then you’re out looking for a new girlfriend AND a new job. No thanks…
While it’s probably smart to avoid the pitfalls of office dating, let’s face it, guys aren’t that smart and we will break any rule to get what we want (and we all know what guys want). Its tough meeting women but the office provides a captive audience and plenty of opportunities to strike up a conversation. Plus, women at the office can “pre-qualify” you because they can see your place on the corporate ladder, determine your advancement potential, rate your potential to make all the other women envious if they dated you (never underestimate the power of jealousy among women), etc.
I’ve never dated a co-worker in my professional career so not even sure how I’d approach that special someone for the big question. I mentioned my hesitance to date a co-worker to GP once (he laughed) and he proceeded to regale me with tales of his prowess managing “relationships” with several women in the office pool. It was like hearing stories of the conquistadores looting and pillaging across the land…absolutely what a guy on the fence wants to hear! (Thanks GP)
Now that’s all fine and good if you’ve got some decent game but I have none….my game score is lower than the temperature during a Canadian winter. Outside of being a bit shy and socially awkward, I have no approach, no opening lines and am about as interesting as a physics lecture. What’s a guy to do to land that date with a co-worker with all these “handicaps”? I consulted the experts on how to start it?
The only problem with actually getting the date is the knowledge of the inevitable break-up that will surely occur (usually at the worst time). For the most part, breaking up can be handled with minimal disruption to your life if you follow some simple rules. But an office based break-up is something totally different all together because you WILL see this person every day. That’s a daunting prospect so better consult the experts again for advice on how to end it .
Given that I’ve had no luck in finding the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc these past 6 years or so, maybe I should break the rules and pursue an office romance. It the perfect plan except, I work from home 5 days a week. Oh well, guess its back to "Plan B".
While it’s probably smart to avoid the pitfalls of office dating, let’s face it, guys aren’t that smart and we will break any rule to get what we want (and we all know what guys want). Its tough meeting women but the office provides a captive audience and plenty of opportunities to strike up a conversation. Plus, women at the office can “pre-qualify” you because they can see your place on the corporate ladder, determine your advancement potential, rate your potential to make all the other women envious if they dated you (never underestimate the power of jealousy among women), etc.
I’ve never dated a co-worker in my professional career so not even sure how I’d approach that special someone for the big question. I mentioned my hesitance to date a co-worker to GP once (he laughed) and he proceeded to regale me with tales of his prowess managing “relationships” with several women in the office pool. It was like hearing stories of the conquistadores looting and pillaging across the land…absolutely what a guy on the fence wants to hear! (Thanks GP)
Now that’s all fine and good if you’ve got some decent game but I have none….my game score is lower than the temperature during a Canadian winter. Outside of being a bit shy and socially awkward, I have no approach, no opening lines and am about as interesting as a physics lecture. What’s a guy to do to land that date with a co-worker with all these “handicaps”? I consulted the experts on how to start it?
The only problem with actually getting the date is the knowledge of the inevitable break-up that will surely occur (usually at the worst time). For the most part, breaking up can be handled with minimal disruption to your life if you follow some simple rules. But an office based break-up is something totally different all together because you WILL see this person every day. That’s a daunting prospect so better consult the experts again for advice on how to end it .
Given that I’ve had no luck in finding the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc these past 6 years or so, maybe I should break the rules and pursue an office romance. It the perfect plan except, I work from home 5 days a week. Oh well, guess its back to "Plan B".
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Should I stay or should I go?
I’ve always held that certain things happen at exactly the right moment for a reason. I’m pretty clueless about the reason but it’s usually to teach me a lesson, open my eyes to the obvious or, in some cases, just to make me think.
I’ve been on the fence about moving to Asheville so it was time for a sign giving me some direction. It’s 80% “go” on the move but that last 20% is proving to be quite a challenge to overcome. I needed a sign…got one.
My story begins on a beautiful Friday morning as I was out running errands. I’d taken the day off work and decided to get new tires for the car so made a trip up the road to Mooresville. Always one to maximize efficiency, I also planned to stop at the Super Target next door to pick up a few random items.
I’m moving through the ST with shopping list in hand (super chunk peanut butter, mattress pad and a duffel bag) to keep me focused but I still got distracted. Somehow I ended up in the produce section where I saw HER. By her, I don’t mean the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc but the Past Almost Mrs. Esc Ex. It was a chance encounter six years in the making as she stood there with her Starbucks with me staring back holding a bunch of bananas. For a moment, I knew exactly how those deer feel when they wander out onto the Interstate after dark and get caught in the headlights...you just stand there unable to move even though you know you NEED to move.
This chance encounter was always destined to happen as we only live one town apart and shop in exactly the same places. It had been six years since our last meeting and I’d purposely started avoiding her part of town once a mutual friend told me she made the move. But today was supposed to be a “safe” day….she never takes days off as her love of work is almost on the same level as the way people love their kids! After rolling the dice for years, today was my day to crap out.
This whole situation raised a question we’ve all had to deal with at one point or another…”What do you say to an ex during that chance meeting?” I know a lot depends on how it ended but after six years neither should harbor any ill will or strong feelings. The high road would be a cordial (but oh so brief) conversation about meaningless things and how great life is at this very moment. The low road would probably be reduced to single words such as “Bitch” or “Bastard” accompanied by an evil scowl or look of disgust. In our most perfect moment, we took neither road and simply passed without saying a word.
I thought about it afterwards and wondered what I would have said if she had spoken. What if she asked about my personal life/status? Do you tell the truth about your current situation or make up the life you really wish you had? What do say to a person you spent 10 years with that doesn’t come off sounding like a veiled attempt to validate life is so much better without them? I guess the path of silence was really the high road after all.
I saw a sign that day and it said, “Bananas…$.29 a lb”. I also saw a sign that said “Now is a great time to go live somewhere else”. I guess I got more than a great deal on bananas.
I’ve been on the fence about moving to Asheville so it was time for a sign giving me some direction. It’s 80% “go” on the move but that last 20% is proving to be quite a challenge to overcome. I needed a sign…got one.
My story begins on a beautiful Friday morning as I was out running errands. I’d taken the day off work and decided to get new tires for the car so made a trip up the road to Mooresville. Always one to maximize efficiency, I also planned to stop at the Super Target next door to pick up a few random items.
I’m moving through the ST with shopping list in hand (super chunk peanut butter, mattress pad and a duffel bag) to keep me focused but I still got distracted. Somehow I ended up in the produce section where I saw HER. By her, I don’t mean the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc but the Past Almost Mrs. Esc Ex. It was a chance encounter six years in the making as she stood there with her Starbucks with me staring back holding a bunch of bananas. For a moment, I knew exactly how those deer feel when they wander out onto the Interstate after dark and get caught in the headlights...you just stand there unable to move even though you know you NEED to move.
This chance encounter was always destined to happen as we only live one town apart and shop in exactly the same places. It had been six years since our last meeting and I’d purposely started avoiding her part of town once a mutual friend told me she made the move. But today was supposed to be a “safe” day….she never takes days off as her love of work is almost on the same level as the way people love their kids! After rolling the dice for years, today was my day to crap out.
This whole situation raised a question we’ve all had to deal with at one point or another…”What do you say to an ex during that chance meeting?” I know a lot depends on how it ended but after six years neither should harbor any ill will or strong feelings. The high road would be a cordial (but oh so brief) conversation about meaningless things and how great life is at this very moment. The low road would probably be reduced to single words such as “Bitch” or “Bastard” accompanied by an evil scowl or look of disgust. In our most perfect moment, we took neither road and simply passed without saying a word.
I thought about it afterwards and wondered what I would have said if she had spoken. What if she asked about my personal life/status? Do you tell the truth about your current situation or make up the life you really wish you had? What do say to a person you spent 10 years with that doesn’t come off sounding like a veiled attempt to validate life is so much better without them? I guess the path of silence was really the high road after all.
I saw a sign that day and it said, “Bananas…$.29 a lb”. I also saw a sign that said “Now is a great time to go live somewhere else”. I guess I got more than a great deal on bananas.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
One step closer...
In my last entry, I mentioned the one big “if” was selling my house. Well, there was another big “if”...whether work would be willing to let me flee Charlotte and still stay among the employed at XYZ Corporation. Without a job, the whole adventure would be a no go as I have virtually no hope of finding work in Asheville. Everything was riding on the outcome of the conversation.
I’m a “planner” (even when it seems like I’m being spontaneous) so I had this whole conversation in my head complete with selling points to counter any resistance. I brought up the topic with my manager and his reply, “No problem…I’ve heard Asheville is very nice”. Another hurdle down…
Now the only big “if” remaining is selling the house. Once it’s sold, adios Charlotte!
I’m a “planner” (even when it seems like I’m being spontaneous) so I had this whole conversation in my head complete with selling points to counter any resistance. I brought up the topic with my manager and his reply, “No problem…I’ve heard Asheville is very nice”. Another hurdle down…
Now the only big “if” remaining is selling the house. Once it’s sold, adios Charlotte!
Monday, August 31, 2009
Esc poised to escape???
I’ve never been one for indecision but I’ve been contemplating a somewhat big decision for quite some time with no resolution. The pendulum swings way out to one side only to work its way back towards the center (status quo). There are a lot of factors to consider but I think I received a significant push away from the center today. The pendulum seems to be stuck over on “Go….NOW!”
I’ve always had a sense of restlessness and felt out-of-place…even in my own house. When I was a kid, I used to think about how my life could be so different (maybe better?) if I was only somewhere else. Given that I grew up in [name redacted], that’s not really a huge leap of faith to KNOW my life would have been better almost anywhere else. I can remember when people would move to the next town and others would be so envious they “got out”. It was suburban Alcatraz and I spent my days scavenging for old rain coats and glue to build my raft to freedom. Given how I felt in my formative years, it’s no surprise now that I’m feeling the undeniable urge to pull up stakes and start over some where else. The target destination is not yet finalized but the front runner is Asheville, NC.
Charlotte is not a bad place but it’s becoming more apparent everyday that’s it’s not the place for me. Maybe if I could meet a nice girl here I’d probably stay but, after 7 years, I seriously doubt any of “The One’s” resides anywhere near 28031. If they do, they must all be working undercover as other people’s girlfriend/wife as my last date was months ago with nothing on the horizon.
On some levels, a move to a new city gives me a chance to re-invent myself. I could be the person I’ve always wanted to be….shallow, vain and totally popular! Who am I kidding…I’ll never be popular but I’ve got some serious potential for the other two! Meatloaf was right when he said “two out of three ain’t bad”. I’d love to believe a new ZIP code could make everything perfect but I’m not so naïve as to think it would make me any less shy, socially awkward and neurotic (only plastic surgery can turn me into everything I ever wanted to be : )
The big “if” right now is selling my house. I bought into the whole “buy a house” racket so now I’m trying to figure out how to cash out of the suburban dream. I don’t regret buying my house because, at the time, it was never supposed to be just me. I look back and laugh (now) because it was the single worst time of my entire life yet I still had this unwavering hope that all would be OK. I should really place blame where it truly lies…with Milton Bradley. Had the relationship Magic 8-Ball been on target, I’d probably have rented a room at a hotel (on a weekly option) and spent the down payment on a Porsche.
I’ll be leaving some things here I’d like to take with me when/if I move but sometimes you have to take your chances on the unknown to find your happiness. Maybe I’ll succeed or I could fail miserably but I don’t ever want to feel the sting of bitter regret for never taking the chance. I’ve failed at everything I’ve every attempted but I’m not a failure…just experienced. One thing is true no matter how many times I fail, I’ll get back up to try again and I’ll never lose the hope that something better is right around the corner.
I’ve always had a sense of restlessness and felt out-of-place…even in my own house. When I was a kid, I used to think about how my life could be so different (maybe better?) if I was only somewhere else. Given that I grew up in [name redacted], that’s not really a huge leap of faith to KNOW my life would have been better almost anywhere else. I can remember when people would move to the next town and others would be so envious they “got out”. It was suburban Alcatraz and I spent my days scavenging for old rain coats and glue to build my raft to freedom. Given how I felt in my formative years, it’s no surprise now that I’m feeling the undeniable urge to pull up stakes and start over some where else. The target destination is not yet finalized but the front runner is Asheville, NC.
Charlotte is not a bad place but it’s becoming more apparent everyday that’s it’s not the place for me. Maybe if I could meet a nice girl here I’d probably stay but, after 7 years, I seriously doubt any of “The One’s” resides anywhere near 28031. If they do, they must all be working undercover as other people’s girlfriend/wife as my last date was months ago with nothing on the horizon.
On some levels, a move to a new city gives me a chance to re-invent myself. I could be the person I’ve always wanted to be….shallow, vain and totally popular! Who am I kidding…I’ll never be popular but I’ve got some serious potential for the other two! Meatloaf was right when he said “two out of three ain’t bad”. I’d love to believe a new ZIP code could make everything perfect but I’m not so naïve as to think it would make me any less shy, socially awkward and neurotic (only plastic surgery can turn me into everything I ever wanted to be : )
The big “if” right now is selling my house. I bought into the whole “buy a house” racket so now I’m trying to figure out how to cash out of the suburban dream. I don’t regret buying my house because, at the time, it was never supposed to be just me. I look back and laugh (now) because it was the single worst time of my entire life yet I still had this unwavering hope that all would be OK. I should really place blame where it truly lies…with Milton Bradley. Had the relationship Magic 8-Ball been on target, I’d probably have rented a room at a hotel (on a weekly option) and spent the down payment on a Porsche.
I’ll be leaving some things here I’d like to take with me when/if I move but sometimes you have to take your chances on the unknown to find your happiness. Maybe I’ll succeed or I could fail miserably but I don’t ever want to feel the sting of bitter regret for never taking the chance. I’ve failed at everything I’ve every attempted but I’m not a failure…just experienced. One thing is true no matter how many times I fail, I’ll get back up to try again and I’ll never lose the hope that something better is right around the corner.
Monday, August 10, 2009
I'm Knocking...
What you drive says a lot about you as a person. From the soccer moms driving the urban assault vehicles to the old guys driving high-performance sports cars…everyone has their own style. But what do you do if you’re a guy buying a minivan?
I’ve got nothing against minivans but most guys wouldn’t go near a minivan for love or money unless the wife is pulling the strings. It seems Honda produced a commercial with a bit of subliminal hand gesturing to let guys who buy their minivan know exactly where they stand.
With the hand gesture alone, I’d say the point was to mock people who buy minivans but is it really a commercial trying to entice women to buy a minivan by playing on their sexual frustrations? The audio track paints a very different picture (of course, I couldn’t get a copy of it because who’s going to post a Honda commercial to YouTube?) but you’ll have to settle for a quick text version:
The commercial is for the year end clearance sale and the animated pitch man is named Mr. Opportunity. As the commercial ends, he says, “I’m Mr. O and I’m knocking” and then…the infamous hand gesture!
Who knows their intent but either way it’s fairly obscene (and funny) so have to ask where is Tim Winter of the Parents Television Council to protect us from this indecency? I bet he’s out buying a Honda minivan.
I’ve got nothing against minivans but most guys wouldn’t go near a minivan for love or money unless the wife is pulling the strings. It seems Honda produced a commercial with a bit of subliminal hand gesturing to let guys who buy their minivan know exactly where they stand.
With the hand gesture alone, I’d say the point was to mock people who buy minivans but is it really a commercial trying to entice women to buy a minivan by playing on their sexual frustrations? The audio track paints a very different picture (of course, I couldn’t get a copy of it because who’s going to post a Honda commercial to YouTube?) but you’ll have to settle for a quick text version:
The commercial is for the year end clearance sale and the animated pitch man is named Mr. Opportunity. As the commercial ends, he says, “I’m Mr. O and I’m knocking” and then…the infamous hand gesture!
Who knows their intent but either way it’s fairly obscene (and funny) so have to ask where is Tim Winter of the Parents Television Council to protect us from this indecency? I bet he’s out buying a Honda minivan.
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