I’d love to see you, but…

Apology: It’s amazing how taking a few days off from the blog quickly turned into months. I’d planned to return much sooner but life got in the way and the next thing I know it’s March 2010. I feel a bit guilty for taking so much time away and neglecting all three of my “followers” who probably expected more out of me (but have known me so long they probably didn’t). If I feel the need to slack again then maybe I should start a support group for other slacking bloggers…“Hi…I’m Esc. It’s been 72 days since my last entry and I’m a loser for not posting more.” But the time away was appreciated as my life needed something new and now I’m back!

No one likes to fail…let’s face it; it’s always a bit personal even when people say it isn’t. Nowhere is failure more personal than in a relationship. At Christmas, I was in the beginning stages of a new relationship with a very nice girl we’ll call MM. Fast forward 58 days and she’s just another footnote in my dating history.

How did this happen? Very simple….too many sentences started with “I’d love to see you, but…” We all know everything after "but" is bullsh*t and a cop out but apparently she never got the memo. Here are some real-life examples of the reasons she couldn’t see me during the week (but she NEVER turned down the Sat night invitation to dinner and the theater):

• I’d love to see you, but I’m meeting my girl friends for dinner.
• I’d love to see you, but I have Spades League that night.
• I’d love to see you, but I want to try out this new yoga studio that night.
• I’d love to see you, but I’m having dinner with my new friend from the apt building that night.
• I’d love to see you, but I’m playing in my Skee-Ball league that night.

Skee-Ball? Seriously, what kind of person chooses a kid’s game over spending time with the person they supposedly “really like and want to spend time with”? More to the point, what kind of man would put up with this kind of treatment? Not Esc! She moved to double secret probation after the second instance and I knew it was only a matter of time before I’d be saying “See you later…much later.”

I’m far from cheap and typically spare no expense in my dating life to ensure a wonderful evening for all. This makes me super in-tune when my generosity is being exploited and that’s something I will never tolerate. In a rare move, I gave her a chance to redeem herself but that ended in utter and complete failure so it was time to pull the cord.

There is a proper way to end a relationship and timing is critical to success. My time ended up on the most unfortunate day (right before Valentine’s Day) but I knew it was over so no sense in dragging out the inevitable. I took her to the theater (I already had tickets from weeks before) and then out for post-production coffee. She had a brief moment of redemption but then proceeded to fail miserably at the French bistro.

As we sipped coffee, a guy friend (hers…not mine) walked up and started to talk to her. Common courtesy says first meetings warrant introductions but she simply went on and on while I sat there. I’m not the jealous type (I totally don’t care…If a woman wants someone else then just leave). And I definitely had nothing to fear from this fool if I was. He stood there with his brand new copy of “A Brief History in Time” by Stephan Hawking wearing non-prescription glasses in an attempt to look educated and cultured. I immediately thought of the Pro-V superstar from days past and how this poor guy had no clue how every single woman who passed his table was going to see through his thinly veiled attempt to convince them he was worthy of their time. All he needed to be a complete fraud was a beret and fake French accent.

After a few minutes, he introduced himself and made the “I’m not trying to take your girl” kind of statements (like how he knew her, etc.) which made no difference to me as I would have been ecstatic to hand her off since the Bistro put me 8 miles closer to my house (and I had no interest in driving the 8 back to drop her off). It was in that moment that I realized she wasn’t exploiting me or trying to shine me on but was totally clueless about the entire situation.

She’d made a statement that night (earlier in the evening before the Physics Fraud made his grand appearance) about how she was used to being rejected. The comment struck me immediately because I’d done everything in my power to make her feel wanted but it was HER who was rejecting every man who attempted to be part of her life. Its human nature to love and want to be loved but she’d spent so much time building walls to protect herself that she forgot to include a door.

In the end, it came down to two people on different paths going in opposite directions (never to end in the same place). If she called me today to start again, I’d have to say “I’d love to see you, but…”

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I know I've been absent for far too long but I don't have as much free time as before. You see, I met this girl and she continues to say "yes" to my date requests so spending all my time trying to figure out things to do, places to go and finding new restaurants that take American Express. I never knew it could be so time consuming to make someone think you just thought of something to do off the top of your head!

She's been impressed so far and I'd hate for her to discover the awful truth that I'm not as smooth and sophisticated as I appear. Clever and charming fascade please hold out for a bit longer...PLEASE!!!!

Anyway...I'll try to do a better job with the blog in 2010!

This little piggy...

I’m a skeptic…always have been. They always make things sound worse than they really are when it’s probably really nothing to worry about. Take this whole H1N1 thing. It’s probably a hoax to get me to buy some useless cold medicine or hand sanitizer and it can’t be as bad as they keep saying in the news.

I’m usually just plain lazy when I don’t update the blog but this time I have a legitimate excuse…I got H1N1 last week. It’s now 9 days later and I’m finally starting to feel a little bit better. Not 100% mind you…just a BIT better. The diagnosis says another few days of misery and then another few weeks of cough. Perfect!

Now having H1N1 hasn’t given me the benefits of the usual prolonged illness (such as days off with no work) since I’ve worked every single day. To make matters worse, I also missed an opportunity to go to Hong Kong for three weeks on assignment. When it rains, it pours.

I’ll update with much better content once I’m back to my old self (probably this weekend). In the meantime, this little piggy goes hack, hack, hack!

Things I love...

I love a lot of things…like a glass of perfectly dry Cabernet, Thai food, lounging around in the hammock on a nice day, riding my bikes and living near a college town. What? How did living near a college town make the list? Let me explain.

My physical address puts me in Cornelius but I live four miles from the Davidson College campus. While four miles may not seem far, it’s a world away from Cornelius in a great many ways. Davidson is one of those liberal college towns where nothing exciting ever happens…until now.

It’s a beautiful fall day and I’m stopped at the light in the center of town. I make the left turn onto Main St. passing by the quaint shops and people just walking to be outside. Fortunately, I get caught by the next stop light in front of the Ben and Jerry’s. Normally, I hate missing this light but I’d miss it every time if “they” were there.

I saw a small group of college students walking towards the light and thought nothing of it until I saw the two tall, very attractive girls. As they got closer, I noticed they had their arms around each other (in a more than friend’s kind of way). When they reached the Ben and Jerry’s, they stopped and proceeded to make out (to the horror of the old people sitting in the rocking chairs). I don’t mean a peck on the cheek but full-on action!

After two rotations of the light, the cars behind me starting honking the horn but I wasn’t moving…no way these people were going to ruin this for me. I was definitely feeling the moment (and I think the guy in the truck behind me was feeling something else a little more personal...Dude, not cool!) so had to stay for the whole, wonderful show. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen two girls make out but usually, hot girl-on-girl action is followed by the need to enter a credit card number and a check of the anti-virus software. Having witnessed this greatness, my day was complete.

A lot of people say things like “I love life” and “I’m in love with love”. That’s all fine and good but find that my list of things I love is a bit less cultured…especially since I added “hot girls making out in front of the Ben and Jerry’s In Davidson NC” to the list.

Stop playing by the rules…

There are some golden rules that are just not meant to be broken…like don’t tug on Superman’s cape, don’t spit into the wind or don’t eat the yellow snow. Probably the most important of the “never to be broken” rules is never, never, never date a co-worker! It’s just a disaster waiting to happen and then you’re out looking for a new girlfriend AND a new job. No thanks…

While it’s probably smart to avoid the pitfalls of office dating, let’s face it, guys aren’t that smart and we will break any rule to get what we want (and we all know what guys want). Its tough meeting women but the office provides a captive audience and plenty of opportunities to strike up a conversation. Plus, women at the office can “pre-qualify” you because they can see your place on the corporate ladder, determine your advancement potential, rate your potential to make all the other women envious if they dated you (never underestimate the power of jealousy among women), etc.

I’ve never dated a co-worker in my professional career so not even sure how I’d approach that special someone for the big question. I mentioned my hesitance to date a co-worker to GP once (he laughed) and he proceeded to regale me with tales of his prowess managing “relationships” with several women in the office pool. It was like hearing stories of the conquistadores looting and pillaging across the land…absolutely what a guy on the fence wants to hear! (Thanks GP)

Now that’s all fine and good if you’ve got some decent game but I have none….my game score is lower than the temperature during a Canadian winter. Outside of being a bit shy and socially awkward, I have no approach, no opening lines and am about as interesting as a physics lecture. What’s a guy to do to land that date with a co-worker with all these “handicaps”? I consulted the experts on how to start it?

The only problem with actually getting the date is the knowledge of the inevitable break-up that will surely occur (usually at the worst time). For the most part, breaking up can be handled with minimal disruption to your life if you follow some simple rules. But an office based break-up is something totally different all together because you WILL see this person every day. That’s a daunting prospect so better consult the experts again for advice on how to end it .

Given that I’ve had no luck in finding the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc these past 6 years or so, maybe I should break the rules and pursue an office romance. It the perfect plan except, I work from home 5 days a week. Oh well, guess its back to "Plan B".

Should I stay or should I go?

I’ve always held that certain things happen at exactly the right moment for a reason. I’m pretty clueless about the reason but it’s usually to teach me a lesson, open my eyes to the obvious or, in some cases, just to make me think.

I’ve been on the fence about moving to Asheville so it was time for a sign giving me some direction. It’s 80% “go” on the move but that last 20% is proving to be quite a challenge to overcome. I needed a sign…got one.

My story begins on a beautiful Friday morning as I was out running errands. I’d taken the day off work and decided to get new tires for the car so made a trip up the road to Mooresville. Always one to maximize efficiency, I also planned to stop at the Super Target next door to pick up a few random items.

I’m moving through the ST with shopping list in hand (super chunk peanut butter, mattress pad and a duffel bag) to keep me focused but I still got distracted. Somehow I ended up in the produce section where I saw HER. By her, I don’t mean the Future Ex-Mrs. Esc but the Past Almost Mrs. Esc Ex. It was a chance encounter six years in the making as she stood there with her Starbucks with me staring back holding a bunch of bananas. For a moment, I knew exactly how those deer feel when they wander out onto the Interstate after dark and get caught in the headlights...you just stand there unable to move even though you know you NEED to move.

This chance encounter was always destined to happen as we only live one town apart and shop in exactly the same places. It had been six years since our last meeting and I’d purposely started avoiding her part of town once a mutual friend told me she made the move. But today was supposed to be a “safe” day….she never takes days off as her love of work is almost on the same level as the way people love their kids! After rolling the dice for years, today was my day to crap out.

This whole situation raised a question we’ve all had to deal with at one point or another…”What do you say to an ex during that chance meeting?” I know a lot depends on how it ended but after six years neither should harbor any ill will or strong feelings. The high road would be a cordial (but oh so brief) conversation about meaningless things and how great life is at this very moment. The low road would probably be reduced to single words such as “Bitch” or “Bastard” accompanied by an evil scowl or look of disgust. In our most perfect moment, we took neither road and simply passed without saying a word.

I thought about it afterwards and wondered what I would have said if she had spoken. What if she asked about my personal life/status? Do you tell the truth about your current situation or make up the life you really wish you had? What do say to a person you spent 10 years with that doesn’t come off sounding like a veiled attempt to validate life is so much better without them? I guess the path of silence was really the high road after all.

I saw a sign that day and it said, “Bananas…$.29 a lb”. I also saw a sign that said “Now is a great time to go live somewhere else”. I guess I got more than a great deal on bananas.

One step closer...

In my last entry, I mentioned the one big “if” was selling my house. Well, there was another big “if”...whether work would be willing to let me flee Charlotte and still stay among the employed at XYZ Corporation. Without a job, the whole adventure would be a no go as I have virtually no hope of finding work in Asheville. Everything was riding on the outcome of the conversation.

I’m a “planner” (even when it seems like I’m being spontaneous) so I had this whole conversation in my head complete with selling points to counter any resistance. I brought up the topic with my manager and his reply, “No problem…I’ve heard Asheville is very nice”. Another hurdle down…

Now the only big “if” remaining is selling the house. Once it’s sold, adios Charlotte!