I’ve never been one for indecision but I’ve been contemplating a somewhat big decision for quite some time with no resolution. The pendulum swings way out to one side only to work its way back towards the center (status quo). There are a lot of factors to consider but I think I received a significant push away from the center today. The pendulum seems to be stuck over on “Go….NOW!”
I’ve always had a sense of restlessness and felt out-of-place…even in my own house. When I was a kid, I used to think about how my life could be so different (maybe better?) if I was only somewhere else. Given that I grew up in [name redacted], that’s not really a huge leap of faith to KNOW my life would have been better almost anywhere else. I can remember when people would move to the next town and others would be so envious they “got out”. It was suburban Alcatraz and I spent my days scavenging for old rain coats and glue to build my raft to freedom. Given how I felt in my formative years, it’s no surprise now that I’m feeling the undeniable urge to pull up stakes and start over some where else. The target destination is not yet finalized but the front runner is Asheville, NC.
Charlotte is not a bad place but it’s becoming more apparent everyday that’s it’s not the place for me. Maybe if I could meet a nice girl here I’d probably stay but, after 7 years, I seriously doubt any of “The One’s” resides anywhere near 28031. If they do, they must all be working undercover as other people’s girlfriend/wife as my last date was months ago with nothing on the horizon.
On some levels, a move to a new city gives me a chance to re-invent myself. I could be the person I’ve always wanted to be….shallow, vain and totally popular! Who am I kidding…I’ll never be popular but I’ve got some serious potential for the other two! Meatloaf was right when he said “two out of three ain’t bad”. I’d love to believe a new ZIP code could make everything perfect but I’m not so naïve as to think it would make me any less shy, socially awkward and neurotic (only plastic surgery can turn me into everything I ever wanted to be : )
The big “if” right now is selling my house. I bought into the whole “buy a house” racket so now I’m trying to figure out how to cash out of the suburban dream. I don’t regret buying my house because, at the time, it was never supposed to be just me. I look back and laugh (now) because it was the single worst time of my entire life yet I still had this unwavering hope that all would be OK. I should really place blame where it truly lies…with Milton Bradley. Had the relationship Magic 8-Ball been on target, I’d probably have rented a room at a hotel (on a weekly option) and spent the down payment on a Porsche.
I’ll be leaving some things here I’d like to take with me when/if I move but sometimes you have to take your chances on the unknown to find your happiness. Maybe I’ll succeed or I could fail miserably but I don’t ever want to feel the sting of bitter regret for never taking the chance. I’ve failed at everything I’ve every attempted but I’m not a failure…just experienced. One thing is true no matter how many times I fail, I’ll get back up to try again and I’ll never lose the hope that something better is right around the corner.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
I'm Knocking...
What you drive says a lot about you as a person. From the soccer moms driving the urban assault vehicles to the old guys driving high-performance sports cars…everyone has their own style. But what do you do if you’re a guy buying a minivan?
I’ve got nothing against minivans but most guys wouldn’t go near a minivan for love or money unless the wife is pulling the strings. It seems Honda produced a commercial with a bit of subliminal hand gesturing to let guys who buy their minivan know exactly where they stand.
With the hand gesture alone, I’d say the point was to mock people who buy minivans but is it really a commercial trying to entice women to buy a minivan by playing on their sexual frustrations? The audio track paints a very different picture (of course, I couldn’t get a copy of it because who’s going to post a Honda commercial to YouTube?) but you’ll have to settle for a quick text version:
The commercial is for the year end clearance sale and the animated pitch man is named Mr. Opportunity. As the commercial ends, he says, “I’m Mr. O and I’m knocking” and then…the infamous hand gesture!
Who knows their intent but either way it’s fairly obscene (and funny) so have to ask where is Tim Winter of the Parents Television Council to protect us from this indecency? I bet he’s out buying a Honda minivan.
I’ve got nothing against minivans but most guys wouldn’t go near a minivan for love or money unless the wife is pulling the strings. It seems Honda produced a commercial with a bit of subliminal hand gesturing to let guys who buy their minivan know exactly where they stand.
With the hand gesture alone, I’d say the point was to mock people who buy minivans but is it really a commercial trying to entice women to buy a minivan by playing on their sexual frustrations? The audio track paints a very different picture (of course, I couldn’t get a copy of it because who’s going to post a Honda commercial to YouTube?) but you’ll have to settle for a quick text version:
The commercial is for the year end clearance sale and the animated pitch man is named Mr. Opportunity. As the commercial ends, he says, “I’m Mr. O and I’m knocking” and then…the infamous hand gesture!
Who knows their intent but either way it’s fairly obscene (and funny) so have to ask where is Tim Winter of the Parents Television Council to protect us from this indecency? I bet he’s out buying a Honda minivan.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
You Twit...
The world was rocked the other day when Twitter was victimized by a denial of service attack. Nations were at the brink of war, people panicked in the streets, lives were lost and, for a short period of time, we all experienced the end of the world. What? You weren’t aware Twitter was offline?
The whole social networking phenomenon is on the way out (you heard it here first) as it’s been played out. We are at the saturation point where it’s no longer a fun distraction but a daily chore to tell the world what you’re doing. I abandoned Facebook a while back and have ZERO regrets…haven’t missed it for one single moment!
The concept of Twitter always made me laugh as I’m keenly aware of how mundane daily life can be so why would anyone waste their life following the mundane of others peoples lives? My theory of “people with no life feel empowered/important by telling the world every detail of their life in hopes of being validated” has been proven true by Christina Chimino who said:
"I was pretty upset, actually. It feels like a lifeline for me ... Pretty much everyone knows almost every detail of my life by what I'm doing on Twitter."
I know nothing about her life but imagine it’s not filled with 24X7 excitement and glamour. I seriously doubt any of her “followers” were damaged by their inability to read that she was awake, having morning coffee, washing clothes, at the grocery, etc. The lingo of Twitter says it all…you’re a “follower”.
Other people seemed to echo how serious the blackout was on their lives by posting statements such as "I did absolutely nothing. It's like my heart was gone," and "I felt so empty inside”. If you sat around doing nothing and felt empty inside, here’s a suggestion: Get out and meet people, take a class, turn off your computer and go for a walk…anything but sitting around paralyzed because you can’t Tweet!
Now, I’m going to turn off my computer, get dressed and head to the trails for a 20+ mile ride complete with conversation with random strangers. I’ll return home, take a shower and clean the house before my dinner guests arrive. Then I’ll…oh, who cares!
The whole social networking phenomenon is on the way out (you heard it here first) as it’s been played out. We are at the saturation point where it’s no longer a fun distraction but a daily chore to tell the world what you’re doing. I abandoned Facebook a while back and have ZERO regrets…haven’t missed it for one single moment!
The concept of Twitter always made me laugh as I’m keenly aware of how mundane daily life can be so why would anyone waste their life following the mundane of others peoples lives? My theory of “people with no life feel empowered/important by telling the world every detail of their life in hopes of being validated” has been proven true by Christina Chimino who said:
"I was pretty upset, actually. It feels like a lifeline for me ... Pretty much everyone knows almost every detail of my life by what I'm doing on Twitter."
I know nothing about her life but imagine it’s not filled with 24X7 excitement and glamour. I seriously doubt any of her “followers” were damaged by their inability to read that she was awake, having morning coffee, washing clothes, at the grocery, etc. The lingo of Twitter says it all…you’re a “follower”.
Other people seemed to echo how serious the blackout was on their lives by posting statements such as "I did absolutely nothing. It's like my heart was gone," and "I felt so empty inside”. If you sat around doing nothing and felt empty inside, here’s a suggestion: Get out and meet people, take a class, turn off your computer and go for a walk…anything but sitting around paralyzed because you can’t Tweet!
Now, I’m going to turn off my computer, get dressed and head to the trails for a 20+ mile ride complete with conversation with random strangers. I’ll return home, take a shower and clean the house before my dinner guests arrive. Then I’ll…oh, who cares!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Hooray for the B-Holes!
Once in a rare while a company creates a cool, cutting edge commercial and what’s the response of the American people? Ban it!
It seems Hardee’s has once again raised the ire of the NC conservatives with a commercial asking people to decide whether they like The A-Hole over the B-Hole. While it’s probably not the greatest commercial ever, it’s a breath of life in an otherwise bland, generic sea of advertising. When’s the last time you saw a commercial you actually remember?
I’ve long enjoyed the creativity of European commercials and wished I could see something like them on American television. It’s pretty weak that America has one day (Super Bowl Sunday) where we push the limits of the commercial but even this once proud day has been reduced to watered down spots no better than the everyday commercials. Maybe companies would take more chances if it wasn’t for people like this guy:
"The Hardee's marketing team seems intent on pushing the boundaries at every turn whether we're talking about 'iced B-holes' or the company's attempts at turning hamburgers into sex objects," said Parents Television Council president Tim Winter, in a statement. "Each and every local franchisee can and should object and every Hardee's customer has the right to patronize a more responsible fast food restaurant chain."
Responsible fast food chain? What the hell is he talking about? Given the nutritional value of the food they serve, I’d say pretty much anything you’d consume from any fast food place should be considered irresponsible. He's right about one thing...“every Hardee’s customer has the right” so maybe I'll exercise my right to enjoy some “frosty dippas” (although I’ll never buy any "Bisticules"! : )
Mr. Winter (and the other self-righteous protectors of my decency) should lighten up on Hardee’s and focus on more important things like finding real jobs and making meaningful contributions to society. They’d also be well served to remember no one likes the A-Holes!
It seems Hardee’s has once again raised the ire of the NC conservatives with a commercial asking people to decide whether they like The A-Hole over the B-Hole. While it’s probably not the greatest commercial ever, it’s a breath of life in an otherwise bland, generic sea of advertising. When’s the last time you saw a commercial you actually remember?
I’ve long enjoyed the creativity of European commercials and wished I could see something like them on American television. It’s pretty weak that America has one day (Super Bowl Sunday) where we push the limits of the commercial but even this once proud day has been reduced to watered down spots no better than the everyday commercials. Maybe companies would take more chances if it wasn’t for people like this guy:
"The Hardee's marketing team seems intent on pushing the boundaries at every turn whether we're talking about 'iced B-holes' or the company's attempts at turning hamburgers into sex objects," said Parents Television Council president Tim Winter, in a statement. "Each and every local franchisee can and should object and every Hardee's customer has the right to patronize a more responsible fast food restaurant chain."
Responsible fast food chain? What the hell is he talking about? Given the nutritional value of the food they serve, I’d say pretty much anything you’d consume from any fast food place should be considered irresponsible. He's right about one thing...“every Hardee’s customer has the right” so maybe I'll exercise my right to enjoy some “frosty dippas” (although I’ll never buy any "Bisticules"! : )
Mr. Winter (and the other self-righteous protectors of my decency) should lighten up on Hardee’s and focus on more important things like finding real jobs and making meaningful contributions to society. They’d also be well served to remember no one likes the A-Holes!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Bumper Sticker Wisdom…
I received a call the other day from the Wisnerd and his opening line pretty much set the tone of the call…”OMG, you’re just not going to believe this”. He often starts his calls this way and never fails to deliver the goods as the most weird, unusual, improbable things happen to him. In keeping with past experience, he didn’t disappoint this time.
One thing you have to know about him is how much he stresses about money… I don’t mean worries a bit when things get tight but becomes completely obsessed with the topic to the point of developing all these plans like cashing in life insurance policies, selling furniture, etc. I’ll spare you all the details of the call but it seems he cashed out a life insurance policy to pay down some credit card debt only to discover the wife had gone behind his back and spent $1400 on botox injections (on the very card he was trying to pay down). Not sure I’ll ever know what it’s like to realize your life’s value (or at least policy face value) has been reduced to a temporary cosmetic procedure but quite positive it’s not something anyone really wants to experience.
In the course of our conversation, he mentioned his lack of “options” and how he was “stuck” in a relationship with no exit. It’s on this point I have to disagree because we have options in every situation…they may not be pleasant but we always have options. I’ve always marveled at how easily people give up or simply accept a situation without opening their minds to all the possibilities. It’s this acceptance that makes people believe they have no options when, in reality, they simply lack the will to act or the courage to “suffer” through the negative aspects of the other options.
Those calls always make me think about things in my own life (like how much I truly enjoy being single….or at least not married to someone who’s devoted her life to ruining mine) and times I’ve taken the easy way out for fear of the challenge/change. There is one defining moment in my life where I failed to act and I keep it in that deep, dark place inside to remind me fear of failure never stings as bitterly as regret.
I was thinking about the whole Wisnerd situation when I saw a truck with a bumper sticker proclaiming “Screw it…Live a little”. Most bumper stickers are stupid or boring but this one was right on the money. Life is too short to stay in a bad situation believing you have no other possibilities so figure out what you want and go get it! Maybe some people are content with living a little but I say "Screw it…live a LOT!”
One thing you have to know about him is how much he stresses about money… I don’t mean worries a bit when things get tight but becomes completely obsessed with the topic to the point of developing all these plans like cashing in life insurance policies, selling furniture, etc. I’ll spare you all the details of the call but it seems he cashed out a life insurance policy to pay down some credit card debt only to discover the wife had gone behind his back and spent $1400 on botox injections (on the very card he was trying to pay down). Not sure I’ll ever know what it’s like to realize your life’s value (or at least policy face value) has been reduced to a temporary cosmetic procedure but quite positive it’s not something anyone really wants to experience.
In the course of our conversation, he mentioned his lack of “options” and how he was “stuck” in a relationship with no exit. It’s on this point I have to disagree because we have options in every situation…they may not be pleasant but we always have options. I’ve always marveled at how easily people give up or simply accept a situation without opening their minds to all the possibilities. It’s this acceptance that makes people believe they have no options when, in reality, they simply lack the will to act or the courage to “suffer” through the negative aspects of the other options.
Those calls always make me think about things in my own life (like how much I truly enjoy being single….or at least not married to someone who’s devoted her life to ruining mine) and times I’ve taken the easy way out for fear of the challenge/change. There is one defining moment in my life where I failed to act and I keep it in that deep, dark place inside to remind me fear of failure never stings as bitterly as regret.
I was thinking about the whole Wisnerd situation when I saw a truck with a bumper sticker proclaiming “Screw it…Live a little”. Most bumper stickers are stupid or boring but this one was right on the money. Life is too short to stay in a bad situation believing you have no other possibilities so figure out what you want and go get it! Maybe some people are content with living a little but I say "Screw it…live a LOT!”
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Slacker...
I'm not usually so slack as to go weeks without updating the blog but here I am staring at ZERO entries for July. It's not that I don't have anything to say (quite the opposite...as usual) but short on time. The usual suspects (work, work, work) and a couple of other unexpected things (all good...don't get excited as none of them are dates) but planning to update this week so get ready! : )
Sunday, June 28, 2009
50 is the new dead
As I get closer to 40, well-meaning people keep trying to tell me things like “40 is the new 30” and “you don’t look a day over 32”. That’s all fine and good if you believe it but I’m not taking the bait. Maybe I should since it seems 50 is becoming the new dead.
We’ve all heard the news about the death of Michael Jackson at age 50 from cardiac arrest (stay tuned for the inevitable revelation about some Hollywood doctor who over-prescribed meds) but breaking news just announced Billy Mayes has passed at age 50.
We’ve all heard the news about the death of Michael Jackson at age 50 from cardiac arrest (stay tuned for the inevitable revelation about some Hollywood doctor who over-prescribed meds) but breaking news just announced Billy Mayes has passed at age 50.
You know Billy Mayes even if you don’t know his name...he’s the pitch man for Oxyi-Clean and the co-host of the new show “Pitch Men”. The official news story mentions he hit his head during a rough plane landing (which may have contributed to his death) but what I want to know is “Where was the Sham-WOW guy?”
In my earlier post, I asked the all important question concerning Billy Mayes whereabouts while Vince was beating down his pay date but it was all in the name of humor…I’m sure Billy Mayes could care less about Vince. Knowing my blog reaches all corners of the world and has such influence, could Vince have stumbled upon it and taken my comments seriously? Hey Vince…it was a JOKE (much like your career and that jacket you were wearing at the ER).
Rest in peace Billy and Michael...50 is too young to head into sunset.
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