How Soon is Now?

I’ve never been known as indecisive or afraid of a challenge…especially if the odds are against my success. Throughout my life, people have always told me I couldn’t achieve or I wasn’t smart enough, good enough, resourceful enough, etc. to overcome the odds. It’s made every success that much better knowing I “stuck it” to the haters and proved them wrong. I set the bar high for all my endeavors and rarely, if ever, conceded defeat.

One of the most dominant components of my personality is the underdog determination to succeed at all costs and push myself far beyond the boundaries of my limits. This trait has served me well but I often don’t know when to simply walk away from a challenge. I’m not advocating quitting (i.e. The Palin technique) but knowing when to say “Enough…the effort isn’t worth the reward”. I finally reached that point with dating so I’m officially reaching acceptance of my single status and no longer actively pursuing activities to change this status.

What? Esc giving up on dating? Not exactly…I’m just giving up on the futile online searching, speed dating events, etc. and settling into my life. If I meet a nice girl out and about then “game on” but no more hours spent searching through profiles that have never met the truth or going to events that just seem to recycle the same old crowd. I’ve reached a point in life where I can honestly say, “Enough…time to move on and live my life even if it means living it solo from here on out”.

This revelation has been months in the making but I've embraced acceptance which is the first step towards moving on. I’ve spent far too many years being less than happy and it was time for a change…even if it meant admitting that I failed to achieve my goal. The Road to Acceptance (Pardon the reference to a Green Day song but this one is back in the day when they were actually cool) is different for everyone…here’s my path:

1) I’ve started doing a lot more things that I’ve never done before like going out for breakfast every weekend, planning trips for one, etc. The breakfast thing was a bit awkward at first but now it feels completely natural and normal. I used to avoid places with all the happy couples but now I just go and do my own thing.

2) Set new goals to fill the void (and my free time). The new goals are all around my cycling and I’m breaking through plateaus that a year ago I wouldn’t have even considered possible. Yes, I’m logging a lot of saddle time (which leads to plenty of time to think) but I’m not consumed with thoughts about why I can’t seem to meet anyone (or why the ones I do meet just don’t seem to fit).

3) Cut off the Internet searches and websites…especially The Fish!

The Fish is the place where the desperate end up after all the pay sites have failed to produce anything other than laughs, sighs of frustration and the general sense that you're completely alone in the universe. While I have a love/hate relationship with The Fish!, I knew I had to scan the site one last time.

Long time readers (or anyone savvy enough to use the right hand menu to look up old entries) will remember the last dating disaster with MM and then the subsequent posting to The Fish looking for exactly what she had in Esc. I’ve become accustomed to seeing people I didn’t expect out there but I found something quite unexpected today!

The final search brought up a profile for Delilah (aka The Witness Protection date)! This find was most unexpected but I’m truly happy to see that she’s free and clear of the program and able to live a full and complete life. For those who don’t know, this was my experiment with dating outside of my usual “type” that ended with her completely disappearing off the face of the earth. I spent weeks (not really) blaming myself for her entrance into witness protection and ruining her life! If I had a dollar for every woman who said I ruined her life, I’d have $3.

(Note to EP and the Dietz: Since you know Delilah, I have one word about revealing the blog contents: DISCRETION. I’d hate to have to post a link to a certain video.)

Maybe things would be different with Delilah now as spending a few months with MM got me back into the swing of dating but we’ll never know as I don’t live in the past and I’ve got no time to re-tread old ground. The rest of my life is waiting and I intend to live it out loud and to the fullest….even if that means living it alone.  No regrets...