Esc poised to escape???

I’ve never been one for indecision but I’ve been contemplating a somewhat big decision for quite some time with no resolution. The pendulum swings way out to one side only to work its way back towards the center (status quo). There are a lot of factors to consider but I think I received a significant push away from the center today. The pendulum seems to be stuck over on “Go….NOW!”

I’ve always had a sense of restlessness and felt out-of-place…even in my own house. When I was a kid, I used to think about how my life could be so different (maybe better?) if I was only somewhere else. Given that I grew up in [name redacted], that’s not really a huge leap of faith to KNOW my life would have been better almost anywhere else. I can remember when people would move to the next town and others would be so envious they “got out”. It was suburban Alcatraz and I spent my days scavenging for old rain coats and glue to build my raft to freedom. Given how I felt in my formative years, it’s no surprise now that I’m feeling the undeniable urge to pull up stakes and start over some where else. The target destination is not yet finalized but the front runner is Asheville, NC.

Charlotte is not a bad place but it’s becoming more apparent everyday that’s it’s not the place for me. Maybe if I could meet a nice girl here I’d probably stay but, after 7 years, I seriously doubt any of “The One’s” resides anywhere near 28031. If they do, they must all be working undercover as other people’s girlfriend/wife as my last date was months ago with nothing on the horizon.

On some levels, a move to a new city gives me a chance to re-invent myself. I could be the person I’ve always wanted to be….shallow, vain and totally popular! Who am I kidding…I’ll never be popular but I’ve got some serious potential for the other two! Meatloaf was right when he said “two out of three ain’t bad”. I’d love to believe a new ZIP code could make everything perfect but I’m not so naïve as to think it would make me any less shy, socially awkward and neurotic (only plastic surgery can turn me into everything I ever wanted to be : )

The big “if” right now is selling my house. I bought into the whole “buy a house” racket so now I’m trying to figure out how to cash out of the suburban dream. I don’t regret buying my house because, at the time, it was never supposed to be just me. I look back and laugh (now) because it was the single worst time of my entire life yet I still had this unwavering hope that all would be OK. I should really place blame where it truly lies…with Milton Bradley. Had the relationship Magic 8-Ball been on target, I’d probably have rented a room at a hotel (on a weekly option) and spent the down payment on a Porsche.

I’ll be leaving some things here I’d like to take with me when/if I move but sometimes you have to take your chances on the unknown to find your happiness. Maybe I’ll succeed or I could fail miserably but I don’t ever want to feel the sting of bitter regret for never taking the chance. I’ve failed at everything I’ve every attempted but I’m not a failure…just experienced. One thing is true no matter how many times I fail, I’ll get back up to try again and I’ll never lose the hope that something better is right around the corner.