This entry is dedicated to all the single people trying to find someone special but having a difficult time. Tired of the cattle call mentality of Speed Dating? Disappointed in meeting the match.com person who looks nothing like their photo? Confused by the matches sent to your inbox from e-Harmony that totally don’t match you at all? We’ve tried all the “usual” methods to meet new people but nothing ever seems to work. Well, I’ve found a better way…just click here.
The age of the prison pen pal has arrived! Sure, they’ve been convicted of a felony but that doesn’t mean they don’t need love too. You can learn a great deal about people by their profiles…sometimes too much:
Shandra: Seems like a nice girl but not sure she’s learned her lesson yet as her profile says “When I'm out of prison, you'll most likely find me at a ski resort snowboarding or boating in the summer.” Sounds to me like she’s planning on going back to prison at some point so better make sure the deposit at the ski resort is refundable.
Krystal: Scary! She’d cut you just to see if the knife was sharp. I especially love the inclusion of “conversate”…old episodes of “In Living Color” anyone?
Liliana: Oh yeah…nice profile pic (love the tiger tattoo) but not sure there’s much potential here since she’s in for LIFE! Your Honor, I swear he threw himself on the knife….37 times!
Angelina: The picture is worth a thousand words…all bad. Her previous occupation was “massage therapist” however; I’m not sure giving massages at the truck stop counts as therapy?
Amber: They say all stereotypes have a bit of truth in them…so let’s try this one: A felon, stripper named Amber? A perfect trifecta!
Stephanie: Her previous occupation was case manager at a law firm…I’d say not a very good firm since she got prison time!
Lorinda: Nothing says C-L-A-S-S-Y like this profile! There is so much going on in I can't keep up!
For the ladies who read the blog, don’t feel left out as there are plenty of single, available men on the website too! Just think, never again will you have to wonder if the guy is a lying, cheating loser…He is(!) so no future disappointments. Plus, when it’s time to end the relationship, just call his P.O. (parole officer) and “violate” him. He’s on the next bus to Chino faster than you can mail your next pen pal letter.
Why pay match.com or e-Harmony a monthly fee to find you an endless cavalcade of losers when you can find your own for the cost of a stamp? Besides, who wants to say I met my "Mr./Ms. Right" at match.com? Boring! You've got to be diligent and determined to find your special someone and nothing says conviction to the cause like a prison pen pal.
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1 comment:
ESC,
First of all, I'm scared how you even stumbled onto that site!! :)
Second, that second woman is NO WOMAN. Heck, She has a friggin MUSTACHE! That is the type that makes the other girls her BEYOTCH. Certainly not the thing that women's prison pulp movies are made of.
I'm tempted to write to some of them simply to find out WHAT IN THE WORLD THEY DID. And do they really believe there is some guy out there who will say, "you know, I'll overlook the murder charge, because I think we would make a great couple!"
Hilarious!
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